Growing up I was raised to show compassion towards others and to empathize whenever I could. When you empathize with another human being you are showing them that you understand where they are coming from because you have been there. When you show a person compassion you are taking action on those feelings of empathy and doing something that will make them feel better, to a certain degree.
Now in my personal opinion, a person who lacks empathy and/or compassion is basically showing others that they could care less about how another individual is feeling and how they’re affected by their grief and loss. They are expecting that person to get over it and move on. However, I feel as though no one should dictate to another human being when they should move on or when they should stop grieving. Everyone deals with grief in their own way and on their own timeline. Only the person who has faced such a loss can say when “they’re” ready to stop grieving and when “they’re” ready the move on. No one else gets that right! What do you think?
Now the reason behind this blog is because this morning I was having a conversation with someone about why I didn’t go to the cemetery yesterday for Father’s Day to visit my dad. My son just lost his dad and this was going to be the first holiday where he couldn’t call and celebrate with his dad and he has no cemetery to go to (long story, maybe I’ll do a blog about it someday). So I understand the feelings my son is experiencing so I thought I would show some compassion and just not go this year so that he wouldn’t get depressed or sad. He has been doing so good lately because he hasn’t had a breakdown of uncontrollable crying and I surely didn’t want to start one.
During this conversation I was told “These kids are going to have to learn how to deal with and do things for themselves if you continue to coddle them they never will”. Now I was under the impression that coddling meant me doing things for them that they are more than capable of doing for themselves. I was under the impression that I was being empathetic and compassionate towards my child and what he was going through. Am I wrong? Was I just coddling him? I’m so confused!
Regardless of what people think I do not always coddle my children. I don’t coddle my oldest and with my youngest I am working hard (deep within myself) to let him become more independent but that’s hard when you’re dealing with a child who has ADHD and doesn’t pay close attention to what he’s doing because it’s difficult for him , that’s another blog! LOL
Overall, I think I have done a great job raising my boys alone (until my husband came along) and they are well mannered and independent. If they had to take care of themselves for days, they could. If I’m around they know that I will always do for them because I “want” to not because I’m “coddling” them. They know how to cook for themselves (they will call and ask for help if they need to LOL) and they know what needs to be done. If I still lived at home with my mom and dad I know they’d still do things for me but just as I have taught my boys, they taught me how to be self sufficient so I could manage on my own; but why would I if my parents offered to do things for me??
All I am saying is that every time a parent does something for their kids to make their kids feel loved or simply because they want to do it for their kids does that mean they’re coddling them? I don’t think so.
Much Love, Hugs &Kisses!