Motivation or Lack Thereof…

What is motivation?  Motivation is the willingness and desire to do something.  When you have motivation you tend to push forward and do what is needed to ensure the end result you want. 

Motivation isn’t something that is constant and never ending. You have to find motivation and hold on to it. You have to have a purpose in life to keep the momentum going so you don’t lose that motivation. When you lose that motivation you begin to feel lost and emotions begin to take over. You not only feel lost but you feel defeated, angry and frustrated.  You begin to think “what’s my purpose in life?!?!” “What am I supposed to do now?!?!”  What do you do?  Who do you turn to?  What’s your next step?  How do you push forward and get back that motivation?

If you’re on the sideline, witnessing someone lose motivation little by little, what are you supposed to do?  How do you approach the situation?  What steps can you take to help someone get back on track?  

I have some suggestions of what I think a person should do to help. I’m not saying this is the best way to handle it but I do believe it’s one way to handle it. 

First, help find the root of the problem. Find out why they lost motivation. Is it because they lost a loved one?  Is it because they lost their job?  Did they gain weight and have lost their self-esteem?  HELP FIND THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM!

Second, ask questions. Find out how they lost someone (i.e. breakup, death, etc.). Find out how they lost their job.  Find out why they gained the weight (i.e. depression, stress, health, etc.).  Get answers to the underlying issue. This is the only way to determine how you can proceed. ASK QUESTIONS!

Third, provide help/support. Whether it’s emotional support or psychological help, provide support.  Help them understand what has happened and why it has happened. Help them get a clearer understanding of the situation. Allow them to talk out their issues and concerns.  Give them a safe place to vent. Point them in the direction of a therapist or a psychologist… someone they can speak to who will not be biased and who can provide a clear and unbiased assessment of their sitstuion as well as some advice on how to move forward and overcome the obstacle in their path.  PROVIDE HELP/SUPPORT! 

Finally, be patient!  As someone sitting on the sidelines it’s easy for you to say “get over it”. It’s not that simple and clean cut for the individual going through this issue.  It’s an internal struggle and something that takes time to overcome. Just have patience and stay by their side. BE PATIENT!

In life, there are no perfect answers for everything that is troubling someone. There’s no “one way” to handle things and every one handles things at their own pace, in their own way.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t offer support and understanding although it may not be easy for you either. 

Just remember… Everything happens for a reason!  Be kind and be patient and things will work out the way they’re meant to. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

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Feeling Like You’re Not Enough…

Have you ever gone through your day, through your normal daily routine (get up, take kids to school or sitter, go to work, go pick up kids, go home, help with homework, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, etc.) and still feel as though you’re not enough for your family?!?!  You’re not alone, most moms feel that way. If you don’t feel that way then kudos to you, tell me your secret. 

As moms we have a tendency to be extremely hard on ourselves because we have this idea in our heads that society says we should be “stay at home moms” or “make home cooked meals every night” or “sign our kids up for whatever sport/activity they want”. Well that’s not reality!  Reality is being there for your child when they need you the most. Reality is guiding your child down the right path in life to help make them a productive member of society. Reality is going to bed every night and still having a ton of things that you didn’t get to finish that day.  Not every moms reality is the same but for the most part many moms deal with similar feelings of inadequacy. 
Us moms have to stop being so hard on ourselves.  We are one person trying to do the job of three or four people. We have to juggle many tasks and learn how to manage our time wisely in order to get everything done. However, we also have to learn to accept the fact that life isn’t perfect and that there are no perfect moms or families. What society says you should be as a mom and what social media shows you isn’t reality. People on social media who look like they have their act together only show you what they want to show you so that it makes their life seem perfect. 

No one is perfect!!  No one’s family is perfect!! Live your life according to your rules and your life will be fulfilling. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

Feeling Lost?! Take a Break from Social Media.

Sometimes I go through my days in such an automatic way that I don’t take in anything I have said or done.  I can’t recall how I got to work or how I got home.  I don’t remember driving on the Turnpike… I don’t remember driving on Route 287.  I do these things everyday, at the same time, in the same way, that I do this automatically.  In doing so, I feel like I don’t take the time to appreciate life and the things around me.  I go through the motions of every day life and I never take the time to look at the trees or admire the blue sky or the raining falling from the dark sky.

Everyday responsibilities seem to take over and the enjoyment of being alive and being able to see and live another day just goes right out the window.  Why is that?  Why do we focus so much on the tasks that we “have” to get done today instead of focusing on the beauty around us?  The hustle and bustle of living a busy life with a family and work tends to overrun everything in our lives.  Why can’t we learn to do both?  Why must it be one way or another?  Why can’t we take the time to enjoy the world around us while still living that busy life?  So instead of rushing to get everything done by a certain time of the day why not take the time to stop at the park for 30 mins and watch our kids play unexpectedly?  The reason why is because the society we live in thrives on “organization” and “time management”.  We swear there isn’t enough time in the day to do all that we want to do but is that really the case?  Is it that we are just unorganized or is it that we spend too much of our time browsing social media sites instead of spending that quality time with our family?  It’s definitely the latter!

Living a busy life with children and a full-time job is definitely hard.  However, it’s also a blessing because we have a family that God has blessed us with and we have a job to take care of that family and provide for them.  What’s the problem?  The problem is that we spend so much time focusing on things that are not important (i.e. posting on social media or following someone’s Instagram or Facebook posts) that we don’t use our time wisely and take advantage of the precious and limited time we have with our family.  In my opinion, if we spent less time looking on Facebook to see what someone is posting and more time on seeing the look on our children’s faces when they’re playing in the park unexpectedly, we wouldn’t feel so stressed out anymore.

I’m going to “turn off social media” for a week and see how my life changes.  I’m going to see if I’m running late in the morning.  I’m going to see if I have the time to take my kids to the park and watch them play until dinner time.  I’m going to see how this change affects us all.  It definitely won’t be easy, but I am positive it will be worth it.

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

Milestones Throughout Our Life’s Journey

So as the summer comes to an end, I sit and I think to myself that this has been a great summer. Although my family and I didn’t do much we still got to spend time together and enjoy one another’s company and that in and of itself is a great thing. 

As the summer ends a new school year begins for my boys and this is a milestone year for them. My oldest, Justin, will be a senior in high school and my youngest, Tony, will be an eighth grader. They both graduate this year and just the thought of them growing up brings tears to my eyes. 

My Boys, My Loves

 
Besides the milestones of both graduating this year there are also three other milestones that we are celebrating all within the next 7 weeks. Tony will be turning “13”, my baby girl Alexis will be turning “1” and Justin will be turning “18”. I’m filled with so many emotions because my first born will be considered a young adult, my second born will officially be a “teenager” and my baby girl is no longer an infant. Her age is no longer celebrated in months, but now years. 

My Angel sent from above

 
Time has gone by so fast over the last couple of years that I feel like I need to slow down to enjoy all these precious moments with my beautiful family. I need to make the memories last for more than just the instant in which they occur. I need to breath in the scents and admire the scenery so that I can appreciate all the things (good and bad) in my life, and realize that everything that is going on in my life at this moment is supposed to happen. I just need to embrace it and cherish it. 

We are given one life to live. How we live that life is up to us and no one else. Cherish the life you are given and learn to live each day as if it were your last day here. 

  • Don’t harp on the things you can’t control. 
  • Don’t focus on the negative.  
  • Don’t let anyone make you feel less than what you know you are. 

Being true to yourself is the only way to live. So be true to the person you are and be thankful that you have this life to live. Don’t take for granted anything or anyone in your life. 

Cherish these kinds of gifts, as they are gifts from God!

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

Quote Of The Day ~ Assumptions

There are things that happen in our lives that will force many of us to be cautious about people’s actions or lack thereof. Many of us will just question a persons motives and try to determine why they didn’t do something or why they did. Then there are many of us who automatically assume the worst about a person because of that persons actions or lack thereof. 

When people assume they come to a conclusion about a situation and believe that their assumption is spot on and then they live their life according to their belief. I found a meme online yesterday after having a conversation with someone about people assuming the worst about others. 

Here it is:

I find this quote to be spot on! People who assume things will always believe that their “assumption” is completely true leading them to react in such a way that it causes drama with all those who know that the assumption is just that “An Assumption”.  

Like this quote says, “This Creates A Whole Big Drama For Nothing”. 

What I don’t get is why people assume things?  Why not ask questions and gather the facts to come up with the truth than to make up lies to solely justify in their own head why someone doesn’t do something or why another person is the way they are?!?! Stop assuming and start questioning. You’ll be less stressed and live a more knowledgeable life. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!!

Life Is What You Make Of It…

When I think about my life and all the people in it who bring me joy, I feel blessed to have them in my life. I have chosen to keep these people around because they bring me joy and love me unconditionally. There are those few individuals that I have just grown apart from and it’s not anyone’s fault, we have just matured and our lives have taken different paths and that’s ok.  That’s a part of life.Then there are those individuals that I have chosen to not keep around or stay in touch with because they brought negativity into my life and that to me is unacceptable. I am making my life what I want it to be.  I want to wake up each day and feel 100% satisfied with the choices I have made and the path that I have traveled and continue to travel.

When I hear people talk about how they “can’t catch a break” or how they’re “lonely and depressed” it really hits a nerve. Why do you think you “can’t catch a break”?  If you’re lonely why not surround yourself with people who bring positivity intoo it life?  If you’re depressed, why not seek professional help for it?  Why would you assume that talking to a “support group” is all you need to maintain a normal life?  Don’t people realize that loneliness and depression are more than just “feeling alone and down” or “not feeling like yourself” one day?  Are these people, who talk about being depressed, really depressed and are diagnosed with DEPRESSION?  Or is it a self-diagnosis because of things they have read on WebMD?  The way I see it is like this, you have the choice to ignore your symptoms and try to live a life as normal as possible if you are depressed and you have the choice to seek professional help to begin to feel like yourself. Why sit around and wait for it to get worse?  For the family of those who are like this, why wouldn’t you intervene?  I just don’t get it. Sorry, I rambled and vented. This isn’t a post about depression. 

Disclaimer:

I am in NO WAY saying that depression isn’t a mental illness and that it’s a joke, it most definitely is not. However, if you aren’t seeking “professional” help for your mental illness and you’re assuming that you’re getting help by just talking to people (and not even professionals) then that’s a bigger issue.


Back to the reason behind this post:
In life, we are all faced with challenges and obstacles and it’s not only about how we handle those challenges and obstacles but also how we react to them.  Thinking positively will help you keep an open-mind about how to effectively handle any given situation.  I’m not saying be naive or gullible in thinking that everything is always going to turn out perfect, because it’s not.  Life throws us curve balls and there is nothing we can do about it.  We have to learn how to work around those.  Now, if we react negatively to those obstacles and challenges what does that do for us? Does it help the situation?  What does that do for our self esteem? What does that do for our self worth? How can we possibly have faith in our ability to overcome challenges and overcome obstacles if we think negatively and constantly have a fear that we aren’t going to overcome them?   In my opinion, positive thinking is one way of working towards a stress free life.

Make your life what you want it to be and stop making excuses as to why it’s not the life you wanted or how you can’t catch a break. Make that path for yourself so that one day your break will present itself to you. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!! 

Favoritism in the Workplace…

Let me start by saying I have been working since I was 17 years old straight out of high school. I literally started working 2 days after graduation. I have had 4 steady jobs (2 of them I worked at for 7 years, 1 for 5 years and the most recent over 2 years). So I have worked with all kinds of people with all different types of personalities. Nothing seems to surprise me anymore when it comes to people I work with but for some reason some of the shit people do still irks the living shit out of me!

This job that I currently have hasn’t been “God Awful” but it hasn’t been the greatest either. I have dealt with more petty childlike behavior here than what I deal with at home “WITH MY CHILDREN”!  Some of the women I work with have a tendency of looking at me and then rolling their eyes as if I just kicked them in the face and I’ve pissed them off. Listen, I haven’t kicked anyone anywhere but there have been many times I wish I could. Actually, one punch in the throat and I’d be a happy camper. 😂

Anyway, I see a lot of favoritism here that I don’t recall seeing at any other place I have worked at. The favoritism has more to do with my boss than with anyone else. I’ll explain what I mean. We have summer hours going on right now which means we work 4 days at 10 hours a day and we have off one day of the week that we choose. So many people were out yesterday and it was me, another lady, my boss and the little old lady who is retiring in 2 days in the finance department. My boss came over once to me to ask me about some cash numbers and a few times to socialize with the one lady while the old lady who is retiring as well as myself sat by and watched them socialize.

Fast forward to today, everyone in our department is here today. It’s a full house!  Well my boss came over to two of the women who were out yesterday and asked how their weekend was, what they did and how they were doing. She stood there socializing with them for half an hour or more. (Boss to the right and 1st co-worker to the left and 2nd co-worker who she spoke to after this first one is up ahead in the picture to the right).

Let me be clear about something, I am in NO WAY jealous of my co-workers and the attention they get from our boss. I just find it extremely unprofessional when your boss, who you should feel comfortable enough to talk to, makes you feel like an outcast and does not make you feel comfortable enough to talk to her about any issues or concerns.

I have seen so much favoritism around me here that it disgusts me and makes me want to quit. It saddens me because they show you this facade when they bring you in and hire you and that facade lasts for about a month or so and then little by little it begins to dwindle and the blinders come off and “wallah” you see the truth!

A little word of advice for you bosses who show favoritism, remember that favoritism does not boost morale. In fact, it causes Psychological Issues. Read the linked article. Be kind to everyone and treat everyone like equals. You never know who is watching and what they will do or say to others about you.

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

How Do I Balance Work, Kids, Family & Personal Time?

Being a mom and working a full time job is exhausting. Trying to meet deadlines at work, keeping track of upcoming events, holidays and birthdays, taking care of the dog and his needs, making sure everyone gets to where they have to go on a daily basis and making sure dinner is done by 8pm so the kids can be laying down by 8:30-9:00 is not an easy task. Add to that some “personal time” and you’ve managed to overdo it and now you’re swamped and still haven’t managed any “me time”.

I have read on Facebook and on some online parenting forums that some “Stay at Home” moms seem to think that moms who work have it a little easier than they do because they don’t spend as much time with their kids and they don’t have all the house work to do, etc… That’s most definitely not true.  If anything, we are equally overworked!  We both have to take care of our children, we both have to make sure that the home is kept up with and dinner is made and we both still have other things to worry about including finding the time to have some personal time alone. The only difference is that while one works all day making sure all their daily tasks are completed before the end of the day the other is at home making sure all of their daily tasks are taken care of for when the kids get home. Other than that, there really is no difference. 

As a mom of three, 17 yr old, 13 yr old and 9 month old, trying to manage my full time job and all the housework and extra curricular activities while my husband is away at work for 6 weeks at a time is so hard. I, personally, never have time alone unless I’m driving to work and back home (or to my moms to get the baby).  It starts to become overwhelming and I begin to feel lost because I’m literally just going through the motions of each day without giving it a second thought.  

I’m not sure how I make it through the days sometimes because I can’t comprehend how one person can manage to do so much in one day and still get to bed by 9:30-10:00pm. Some days I can honestly say that I don’t make it to bed until after 11pm because I have so much to do after the kids are taken care of but its not everyday so I can’t complain.  Nevertheless, I’m a human being who has needs and “I Need” to have some “Me Time”but how do I manage!? How do I manage to get a few hours at a nail salon to pamper myself!? How do I get a few hours to myself to watch my favorite shows without any interruptions!? 

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m good at managing my weekdays and my weekends but in all honesty, I don’t know where I could fit in the time. I already rely on my mom a little too much to help me out during the week when I ask her to watch the baby a little longer so I can wash clothes so why would I impose on her anymore!?  I have asked her to watch the baby during the weekend when my husband and I wanted to go out on a date for our wedding anniversary. Why would I continue to take advantage and ask for another three or four hours of her time so I can have my time. I can’t do it. I can’t do it!

There are times I want to wave the white flag and give up and just sleep all day and ignore everything and everyone but I can’t do that. For now I guess I’ll just do what I do and figure out a way to incorporate some me time so I can feel normal and so I can feel good about myself. Wish me luck!

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!!

Jury Duty…Blah!

So I’m sitting in the Court House waiting because I was selected for Jury Duty. I have never participated in Jury Duty before; therefore, I don’t know what to expect. As look around, I see so many people who look just as miserable as I do to be here. The lady who is validating parking tickets and signing us all in is mean looking and a little rude. I’m afraid to look at her the wrong way because I’m afraid of getting into trouble LOL. I feel like a 2nd grader who is attending their first day of school. 

As the morning progresses we are brought into a courtroom to watch this God awful video about “How Important” jury duty is and how it’s our “Civil Duty” as Americans to be impartial. Blah blah blah!  Next we had to WALK four flights of stairs to some “Juror Lounge” (lounge my ass, it look like a supply room). Am I Right?!


Then I sit next to some lady who is coughing up her left fucking lung and spitting out fucking globs of mucus into a jar! No Lie!!!! It is the most disgusting thing ever!!! I even snap chatted her ass! Yes, I did!  I am soooo miserable! The thought of sitting next to someone like this and not being able to move immediately because some lady named Jeannette, is talking to us is horrifying. I eventually get up to use the restroom and what happens?!?!?! 

SHE FOLLOWS ME!!! 

YES!!!!

SHE FOLLOWS ME!!! 

She followed me into the ladies room so I rush out and sit somewhere else. It was a row of chairs that had no one else sitting on them so I sat directly in the middle seat. And where does she sit when she comes out?!?!?!? 

IN THE SAME ROW!!!!

YES!!!

IN THE SAME ROW!!!! 

Like seriously!? WTF?! I’m officially done! I now want to punch her in her throat! Pregnant and all, I don’t care right now. Take your sick ass somewhere else. 

Why must I endure this torture just so I can fulfill my “CIVIL DUTY”. Is it really a “CIVIL DUTY” if I’m forced to do it?! Why is Jury Duty mandated? Why can’t we just volunteer? Why are we threatened with a “$500 fine plus contempt of court, which could result in imprisonment”?  If I don’t go and they send me to jail is that going to “Teach Me A Lesson”? At this point, I’d rather pay the fine and go to jail than to sit here. 😕

I can feel it now, it’s going to be a long day! 

People, PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY!!!! 

If you are ever called to Jury Duty and you’re coughing up a lung and spitting out bodily fluids stay the fuck away from people! Isolate yourself in a corner! Do us all a favor because you never know who has an infant at home or who may have children or loved ones at home with a weak immune system. 

I can’t wait to get out of here!  Wish me luck and pray for me! (Or pray for the person next to me). Hopefully this won’t be me.


Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!! 

Love ’em but can’t stand ’em!

So…every once in a while I have conversations with my children that drive me absolutely insane! I love my children to death!  I would die for them and I would kill for them. They are my life, my heart and my soul and they are the reasons why I do what I do.  But… (Yes there is a BUT)… sometimes the shit that comes out of their mouths irks me to no end and then what happens!?!? I can’t stand them in that moment!

This morning while driving to work my 13 year old sends me a text while I’m stuck in this God awful traffic on Route 287 N (in NJ). Now, if you’re from NJ you know exactly what I’m talking about… It is utterly ridiculous! Anyway, voice text is my best friend! Sorry, Back to the story. 

He sends me a text that reads: 

“Do I have to wear school uniform can I just wear addida pants” (he means Adidas, LOL and no he didn’t use punctuation… I wonder what the hell teachers actually teach in school these days). 

Sorry sorry, got sidetracked and went on a mini rant. 

Anywho, my response is “Are you allowed to wear regular clothes?” And he says “No but everyone is doing it”. So let’s stop here for a moment and think about what he said and what your reaction would be as a mother.  (I’ll wait……). 

Ok, so that’s the worst possible thing he could have ever said to me. (not the worse but you know what I mean). 

So right before he sent that to me and right after I sent my initial response I was going to change my mind and say ok go in your adidas pants, since it’s the last two days of school. However, I saw that response and it was almost as if something took over my brain and infuriated me that I said “fuck that, he’s wearing his uniform”. So my response to him was “Then no, wear your uniform. Just because everyone is doing it doesn’t mean you should”.  

Now you would think the conversation would be over and we’d be done and I could go to work in peace. But NOOOOOOO… That couldn’t be! 

Here’s the rest of our conversation:

Antonio: But I don’t want to wear jeans

Antonio: It shouldn’t matter tomorrow is the last day

Me: You can wear regular clothes tomorrow for the last day of school.

Antonio: Come on it’s gym i do not want to wear jeans today it’s going to be hot

Me: No, wear your uniform and tomorrow you can wear what you want. 

Antonio: Forget it ill just wear it

Me: Ok

Me: Watch your tone Antonio. You don’t wanna start your summer on punishment. 

Antonio: These jeans just look like I’m wearing girl jeans

Me: You’ve been wearing the same damn jeans all year long. Now all of a sudden they look like you’re wearing girl jeans. Wear them and stop it! I’ll remember before school starts to not buy you skinny jeans anymore because that’s what those are. 

Antonio: Well I grow and now they look like girl jeans (he meant grew LOL)

7:27am Me: Well you didn’t have an issue with them last week. 

7:35am Me: Hopefully you’re done and are already on your way out the door. 

7:42am Me: Did you leave yet?

He finally answers me 15 minutes later LMAO

Antonio: Yes I’m at school

Me: So why didn’t you text me to tell me?

So he read my last text at 7:42 a.m. And it’s 8:57a.m. and still no response. So… Do you think he’s mad!? Nah, he just typed out a response and forgot to hit send because he was going into school for breakfast. 😂 Nope, not true. He hates me right now and I don’t care. 

Now, as a mom of two teenage boys, I understand that wearing a uniform to school isn’t ideal but it’s school policy and they have to learn to just deal with it. Regardless, like I have stated before – I love my kids to death but sometimes on days like this I just can’t stand them.

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!