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Day Three…

Today is day three since I found out about my daughter’s God Father committing suicide.  All my life I have never dealt with this first hand.  I know of some people who have family or friends who have committed suicide, I’ve read about all these celebrities committing suicide, etc. however, it has never hit home.  Until now!

Since Friday my family (husband, boys, and myself) have been dealing with the raw emotions of finding out that our friend/family member chose to commit suicide because he felt alone and was in a dark place that he felt like no one was in his corner.  However, that is far from the truth.  Now that he’s gone, it is apparent that he had so many people in his corner that all he had to do was reach out and ask for help.  He never did though.

My husband has been taking his death very hard these past few days and he called this morning to talk.  He began by saying he couldn’t understand why he was taking this death much harder than his grandmother’s.  I explained to him that his grandmother’s death was expected and due to natural causes because of her age.  His friend’s death was a complete shock to him because it was unexpected.  No one would have expected this from this man.  I told him that it’s natural to feel shock because it was unexpected and because it was a suicide.  It’s not like he died unexpectedly because of an accident; he chose to end his life and no one knew it was coming.  It’s a shock to all!  I am grateful that my husband feels comfortable enough to express his feelings of shock, hurt, anger, disappointment, etc.  I’m grateful that I am able to listen to him with an open mind and use the skills I have learned over the last 8+ years while working on my Psychology Degrees.

I truly believe that God put me on the path of Psychology to prepare me for this very moment.  I am able to understand why this man took his life and I am able to help my husband and my children understand that as well.  I am able to listen to them and give them advice as well as explain things they have questions to.  It makes me feel like I am accomplishing what I was meant to do.  It’s sad that it had to happen this way.  Nonetheless, I am happy to be able to help them grieve.

Regardless of what is going on in our lives and no matter how alone we think we are, we are never alone.

Some advice….. There is always ONE PERSON who you mean the world to.  You are NEVER ALONE!  Ask for help even when you feel like you don’t need it.  Speak to people who you trust and know that no matter the circumstances surrounding you, you have a way out that does not have to go down the dark path.

YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN YOUR CORNER AT ALL TIMES!!!

I wish you knew that Larry… You were and will always be loved.  You had more than enough people in your corner.  We would have never left your side!

Much Love, Hugs, & Kisses!

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We all know “ONE”…

We go through life so focused on ourselves and our own lives not noticing the obvious signs of mental illness and suicide that surround us. Whether those signs are coming from family and/or friends, those signs are present.

I’m sure everyone knows someone who has committed suicide or knows someone who knew someone that committed suicide. We all know “ONE” person who has been affected by suicide; OR WE ARE THAT PERSON!!! The sad reality is, we will never truly know why the person did it and what they were feeling. The one thing that is obvious is that they were not looking to hurt us with their decision to end it, they were looking to stop the hurt they felt within themselves.

A very close friend/family member of my immediate family (my daughters God Father) committed suicide a few days ago and before that day I did not know anyone (personally) who had committed suicide. I knew friends who knew people but no one myself. He had a hard time the last year and a half. He had some legal issues & medical issues which contributed to personal issues. However, he never looked defeated or lost or even sad or depressed. He always had a smile on his face and that right there should have been the first sign that something wasn’t right. The next sign was him isolating himself from everyone. We should have known something was wrong and we should have reached out. Unfortunately, we knew nothing.

In life we come across obstacles that are both easy and hard. It’s how we react and deal with those obstacles that make all the difference. The biggest cliché is “talking will help make things better” but as much of a cliche that is, it’s true. Having someone to talk to who will listen to you is one of the most crucial things anyone can do. Most people just need to realize that they do have people who love them and who can listen without judgment. They just need those people to step up even when they don’t ask for an ear.

Suicide is at an all time high right now. There are way too many people choosing to commit suicide over choosing to live life. It’s a sad reality and it’s everyone’s job to stop being so oblivious to the people around them and start opening your eyes wider to the signs that are clearly visible.

Know the Signs

Remember it’s too late to do anything after they’re gone. Let’s be more aware of our surroundings and our loved ones and help prevent suicide. Let’s help them get help.

Much Love, Hugs, & Kisses!

Motivation or Lack Thereof…

What is motivation?  Motivation is the willingness and desire to do something.  When you have motivation you tend to push forward and do what is needed to ensure the end result you want. 

Motivation isn’t something that is constant and never ending. You have to find motivation and hold on to it. You have to have a purpose in life to keep the momentum going so you don’t lose that motivation. When you lose that motivation you begin to feel lost and emotions begin to take over. You not only feel lost but you feel defeated, angry and frustrated.  You begin to think “what’s my purpose in life?!?!” “What am I supposed to do now?!?!”  What do you do?  Who do you turn to?  What’s your next step?  How do you push forward and get back that motivation?

If you’re on the sideline, witnessing someone lose motivation little by little, what are you supposed to do?  How do you approach the situation?  What steps can you take to help someone get back on track?  

I have some suggestions of what I think a person should do to help. I’m not saying this is the best way to handle it but I do believe it’s one way to handle it. 

First, help find the root of the problem. Find out why they lost motivation. Is it because they lost a loved one?  Is it because they lost their job?  Did they gain weight and have lost their self-esteem?  HELP FIND THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM!

Second, ask questions. Find out how they lost someone (i.e. breakup, death, etc.). Find out how they lost their job.  Find out why they gained the weight (i.e. depression, stress, health, etc.).  Get answers to the underlying issue. This is the only way to determine how you can proceed. ASK QUESTIONS!

Third, provide help/support. Whether it’s emotional support or psychological help, provide support.  Help them understand what has happened and why it has happened. Help them get a clearer understanding of the situation. Allow them to talk out their issues and concerns.  Give them a safe place to vent. Point them in the direction of a therapist or a psychologist… someone they can speak to who will not be biased and who can provide a clear and unbiased assessment of their sitstuion as well as some advice on how to move forward and overcome the obstacle in their path.  PROVIDE HELP/SUPPORT! 

Finally, be patient!  As someone sitting on the sidelines it’s easy for you to say “get over it”. It’s not that simple and clean cut for the individual going through this issue.  It’s an internal struggle and something that takes time to overcome. Just have patience and stay by their side. BE PATIENT!

In life, there are no perfect answers for everything that is troubling someone. There’s no “one way” to handle things and every one handles things at their own pace, in their own way.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t offer support and understanding although it may not be easy for you either. 

Just remember… Everything happens for a reason!  Be kind and be patient and things will work out the way they’re meant to. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

Feeling Like You’re Not Enough…

Have you ever gone through your day, through your normal daily routine (get up, take kids to school or sitter, go to work, go pick up kids, go home, help with homework, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, etc.) and still feel as though you’re not enough for your family?!?!  You’re not alone, most moms feel that way. If you don’t feel that way then kudos to you, tell me your secret. 

As moms we have a tendency to be extremely hard on ourselves because we have this idea in our heads that society says we should be “stay at home moms” or “make home cooked meals every night” or “sign our kids up for whatever sport/activity they want”. Well that’s not reality!  Reality is being there for your child when they need you the most. Reality is guiding your child down the right path in life to help make them a productive member of society. Reality is going to bed every night and still having a ton of things that you didn’t get to finish that day.  Not every moms reality is the same but for the most part many moms deal with similar feelings of inadequacy. 
Us moms have to stop being so hard on ourselves.  We are one person trying to do the job of three or four people. We have to juggle many tasks and learn how to manage our time wisely in order to get everything done. However, we also have to learn to accept the fact that life isn’t perfect and that there are no perfect moms or families. What society says you should be as a mom and what social media shows you isn’t reality. People on social media who look like they have their act together only show you what they want to show you so that it makes their life seem perfect. 

No one is perfect!!  No one’s family is perfect!! Live your life according to your rules and your life will be fulfilling. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

Milestones Throughout Our Life’s Journey

So as the summer comes to an end, I sit and I think to myself that this has been a great summer. Although my family and I didn’t do much we still got to spend time together and enjoy one another’s company and that in and of itself is a great thing. 

As the summer ends a new school year begins for my boys and this is a milestone year for them. My oldest, Justin, will be a senior in high school and my youngest, Tony, will be an eighth grader. They both graduate this year and just the thought of them growing up brings tears to my eyes. 

My Boys, My Loves
 
Besides the milestones of both graduating this year there are also three other milestones that we are celebrating all within the next 7 weeks. Tony will be turning “13”, my baby girl Alexis will be turning “1” and Justin will be turning “18”. I’m filled with so many emotions because my first born will be considered a young adult, my second born will officially be a “teenager” and my baby girl is no longer an infant. Her age is no longer celebrated in months, but now years. 

My Angel sent from above
 
Time has gone by so fast over the last couple of years that I feel like I need to slow down to enjoy all these precious moments with my beautiful family. I need to make the memories last for more than just the instant in which they occur. I need to breath in the scents and admire the scenery so that I can appreciate all the things (good and bad) in my life, and realize that everything that is going on in my life at this moment is supposed to happen. I just need to embrace it and cherish it. 

We are given one life to live. How we live that life is up to us and no one else. Cherish the life you are given and learn to live each day as if it were your last day here. 

  • Don’t harp on the things you can’t control. 
  • Don’t focus on the negative.  
  • Don’t let anyone make you feel less than what you know you are. 

Being true to yourself is the only way to live. So be true to the person you are and be thankful that you have this life to live. Don’t take for granted anything or anyone in your life. 

Cherish these kinds of gifts, as they are gifts from God!

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!

Quote Of The Day ~ Assumptions

There are things that happen in our lives that will force many of us to be cautious about people’s actions or lack thereof. Many of us will just question a persons motives and try to determine why they didn’t do something or why they did. Then there are many of us who automatically assume the worst about a person because of that persons actions or lack thereof. 

When people assume they come to a conclusion about a situation and believe that their assumption is spot on and then they live their life according to their belief. I found a meme online yesterday after having a conversation with someone about people assuming the worst about others. 

Here it is:

I find this quote to be spot on! People who assume things will always believe that their “assumption” is completely true leading them to react in such a way that it causes drama with all those who know that the assumption is just that “An Assumption”.  

Like this quote says, “This Creates A Whole Big Drama For Nothing”. 

What I don’t get is why people assume things?  Why not ask questions and gather the facts to come up with the truth than to make up lies to solely justify in their own head why someone doesn’t do something or why another person is the way they are?!?! Stop assuming and start questioning. You’ll be less stressed and live a more knowledgeable life. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!!

Life Is What You Make Of It…

When I think about my life and all the people in it who bring me joy, I feel blessed to have them in my life. I have chosen to keep these people around because they bring me joy and love me unconditionally. There are those few individuals that I have just grown apart from and it’s not anyone’s fault, we have just matured and our lives have taken different paths and that’s ok.  That’s a part of life.Then there are those individuals that I have chosen to not keep around or stay in touch with because they brought negativity into my life and that to me is unacceptable. I am making my life what I want it to be.  I want to wake up each day and feel 100% satisfied with the choices I have made and the path that I have traveled and continue to travel.

When I hear people talk about how they “can’t catch a break” or how they’re “lonely and depressed” it really hits a nerve. Why do you think you “can’t catch a break”?  If you’re lonely why not surround yourself with people who bring positivity intoo it life?  If you’re depressed, why not seek professional help for it?  Why would you assume that talking to a “support group” is all you need to maintain a normal life?  Don’t people realize that loneliness and depression are more than just “feeling alone and down” or “not feeling like yourself” one day?  Are these people, who talk about being depressed, really depressed and are diagnosed with DEPRESSION?  Or is it a self-diagnosis because of things they have read on WebMD?  The way I see it is like this, you have the choice to ignore your symptoms and try to live a life as normal as possible if you are depressed and you have the choice to seek professional help to begin to feel like yourself. Why sit around and wait for it to get worse?  For the family of those who are like this, why wouldn’t you intervene?  I just don’t get it. Sorry, I rambled and vented. This isn’t a post about depression. 

Disclaimer:

I am in NO WAY saying that depression isn’t a mental illness and that it’s a joke, it most definitely is not. However, if you aren’t seeking “professional” help for your mental illness and you’re assuming that you’re getting help by just talking to people (and not even professionals) then that’s a bigger issue.


Back to the reason behind this post:
In life, we are all faced with challenges and obstacles and it’s not only about how we handle those challenges and obstacles but also how we react to them.  Thinking positively will help you keep an open-mind about how to effectively handle any given situation.  I’m not saying be naive or gullible in thinking that everything is always going to turn out perfect, because it’s not.  Life throws us curve balls and there is nothing we can do about it.  We have to learn how to work around those.  Now, if we react negatively to those obstacles and challenges what does that do for us? Does it help the situation?  What does that do for our self esteem? What does that do for our self worth? How can we possibly have faith in our ability to overcome challenges and overcome obstacles if we think negatively and constantly have a fear that we aren’t going to overcome them?   In my opinion, positive thinking is one way of working towards a stress free life.

Make your life what you want it to be and stop making excuses as to why it’s not the life you wanted or how you can’t catch a break. Make that path for yourself so that one day your break will present itself to you. 

Much Love, Hugs & Kisses!!